Tuesday, June 21, 2011

New!

Hey! Hey, you! All 17 of you. I realized that you are all pretty awesome people to follow this great blog. But, I have to tell you something. I am focusing more on my other blog. No, this does not mean I am abandoning you all. This just gives you the option to go ahead and stroll on down to my other blog where you can follow that one as well!

Isn't that fantastic?! I think so. Soooooooo, check it out at withinherwords.blogspot.com. And go ahead and slick the cute little "FOLLOW" button. Much appreciated.

Have a super wonderful day (:

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Guess what!

Hey, hey, hey! Yea, you.

Guess what? I just finally posted something new on my Within Her Words blog. Check it out! I'd really, really love for you to do that. Let me know what you think! I know, i know, its a tad bit long, but hey, I think this one is a little worth the read. What do ya say? (:
Go here----> withinherwords.blogspot.com

Thanks!
Love you all, and thanks for all the support!

Tay Renae

Friday, March 11, 2011

Don't Forget

Hey All (:

I know... I know... I haven't posted in quite some time. I haven't forgotten about you, my darling followers! I have been pretty busy I must say. But guess what? I wanted to proudly say that I have officially posted my first post on my new blog!

*clap, clap, cheer, hurray!*

I haven't abandoned you dear 'Not Easily Broken'. I promise you that. But I have expanded a little bit. In fact I not only started a new blogger.com blog, but a weebly website as well. So, I encourage you all to go ahead and visit my new projects at withinherwords.blogspot.com and withinherwords.weebly.com. Please, please!

  At this point, there isn't anything all that great up yet. Just a little intro. But go ahead, read that, let me know what you think. But I can guarantee you that there will be more posts, and hopefully pretty awesome ones at that. I've loved having all of you share with me in this blogging experience, and I hope that you will continue to follow and support me as I expand my horizons! Love you all, and I will hopefully write here very soon (:

Tay

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 8: Embrace.

Hey there everyone!

I must share something quite exciting. Are you ready? Well, you see, I discovered how to view how many people visit my blog per day, per week, and so on. Here is my great news: I'm one away from 300 views! Most of them come from the US, but it was exciting to see that there are groups of people from places like Russia, Australia, and Indonesia reading my blog. So thank you to everyone around the world sharing in my little blogging world!
Haha, wow, I kinda feel like I need to write something amazing! Nah, I'm just going to write like I always do (:

So, now that I am starting a new week, I thought that I would just continue to be faithful to the Idea Generator. ( I love you button!) So, it seems like this would be the appropriate time to push that wonderful button....

Something comfortable is...

Hugs. Oh, how I love hugs! Mmm, the warm embrace of a wonderful friend, a cheery family member, or someone you haven't had the delight of seeing in too long. I actually prefer the word embrace over hug. When my mom embraces me, it may be a few seconds of my day, but in that moment I feel so loved. There is something so powerful in a simple hug. Without words, you can show someone you care about them by wrapping your arms around them briefly and then sealing it all with a smile. Its comfortable to be welcomed with a hug when you see someone you care about. There have actually been a few times in my lie that I have met someone for the first time, and they quickly gave me a little hug. That to me says ' I'm so happy to meet you that I don't want to just shake your hand like a stiff mannequin!'.
  Don't get me wrong though. I don't just go around hugging strangers and embracing old people in the streets. No, no, that is not something I personally enjoy doing. If you are that way, then God bless you dear. Really though, I truly find comfort in more than smiles and words. Do you remember when you were little? If you had the wonderful chance to have a dad or mom in your childhood, and I hope you did, do you remember bear hugs? I loved when my sister and I would be building barbie cities on our bedroom floor and we would hear the door open. That usually meant that daddy was home! We would drop whatever we were doing. Poor barbie would have to go half dressed till we got back. We would run as fast as our wee little legs would carry us and we would leap up into my dads arms and receive our awaited bear hug! We would warmly be embraced by our daddy.
  This reminds me of the sweet, beautiful embrace I have experienced from my Father. The nights when I was all alone, and regrets, mistakes, pain, confusion and heart ache would overwhelm me past the point of words to pray, I would just weep. And in those very hard moments in my life, I remember the embrace of my true Daddy. I knew I was going to be alright, because in that moment all that mattered was that I had a Dad who was watching over me and warmly holding me in His arms. What could be more comfortable than a warm embrace?

His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me."

Song of Solomon 2:6 KJV

    Now Israel's eyes were failing because of old age, and he could hardly see. So Joseph brought his sons close to him, and his father kissed them and embraced them."

Genesis 48:10 NIV

        Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced  him, weeping." 
Genesis 45:14 NIV

Today, I challenge you to embrace someone. Maybe you aren't used to this, or perhaps you don't exactly like hugging and whatnot? Well, I think you should just try it. Go find someone you love, and while you embrace them, be thankful for them. Be thankful that they are in your life. Take in the warmth and let it remind you just how much you care for them. And do it more often. Like I said, there isn't anything quite like a hug to say 'Hey, I really care about you and I'm so happy to know you'. And if for some reason you can't do that at this very moment- Don't forget! You should really do it. I think we could all use a hug now and then from each other. Even more, I strongly believe we all need to take time to be hugged by our Father. Remember His love for you.

                      Let's be embraced.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Day 7: Persistence.

Oh my goodness! I made it to my final day of my week-long-posting challenge. I get an A! I'm actually pretty happy about the fact that I have been blogging daily for a whole week. Yea, yea, I know its not that long, but hey, I'm pretty darn proud of myself. But what is even more exciting, is the fact that now I have finished this challenge, I am going to see if I can not only get through one whole week- but now I'm going to try two! So lets see if I can do two whole weeks in a row?

What shall the grand button have in store for me today? I guess we'll find out soon, huh? Wee!

Children are...

Inspiring. They truly are. Wow, actually, today is a great day to be asked that question. You see, I was able to spend a wonderful day with a group of friends. Time well spent I must say. Anyways, my good friend Rachel had a little sister who wanted to hang around with the 'older girls'. She would show off all sorts of things she had. She would prance around in her back pack while she held tightly and quite proudly onto her stuffed cat. She would come up the stairs quite loudly and barge into Rachel's room where we were all hanging, and she would say something barely understandable, for she is pretty young, and then she would end her sentence with a loud exclamation point rolling out her little mouth. And then, as if her whole world was crashing down around her, she would mope out the door when Rachel would tell her to leave us alone. Yea, I have to admit, the little rascal was being kinda funny, but part of me felt bad for her. I remember growing up and always having 'older friends'. I used to think I was so cool when I would hang out with certain people. But sadly, whenever my little sister was around I would honestly treat her so incredibly mean. I wouldn't let her 'hang out' with the big girls. Okay, so I was like 8, but in my silly little mind, I was pretty awesome when I had my cool friends with me. But I remember later on in life, when my mom got remarried and I gained a new big sister, the roles switched. She wasn't around much since she didn't live with us, but her and her friends, cousin or boyfriend would be going to do something and even though she was so very nice about it, I was so hurt and sad that I couldn't go with them. I would try to figure out why i wasn't good enough to hang out with her and the cool kids. This caused me to look at how I treated my sister. Ha, even though my parents had tried to teach this to me uncountable times, it took the experience to finally see it. So, back to the present day, when I was watching the way Rachel's sister was acting, a sudden spark of inspiration fizzed inside of me. You see, the little girl would get rejected in front of us all, and not even 5 minutes later she was at it again. Some may just see this as annoying, but I saw it a little differently. She didn't care that all of us laughed and giggled to ourselves when she would say something incomprehensible. She didn't give up and put herself down when Rachel literally pushed her out of the room. Granted, later in the day she got pretty mad and threw a little fit, but barely 10 minutes went by and she continued to ask us if she could hang out with us.
  This for whatever reason really inspired me to look at how I handle those kinds of situations in my own life. When I really want something, when I just want to accomplish something, do I easily give up? If I was to try to fit in amongst a group of lets say, very intellectual, very good looking people, and then I got ridiculed and made fun of, would I actually try to go back? No, I would beat myself up over it and try to stay clear of them because I was embarrassed. I think this kind of thing applies to many areas in our lives. I mean, I'll speak for myself. But really, if I try really hard at something only to get made fun of, or even corrected, I sometimes get embarrassed and then I quit. When I'm trying so hard to do something right in my life, or to fix something and then I fail, I just beat myself over the head with it. Some major honesty here: sometimes I feel like I'm really making progress by getting close in my relationship with God, and then a month later I'm right back where I started, or so it seems. And then instead of pressing forward and continuing to pursue God, I get discouraged and I feel like a failure.
  I want to be like the little girl I saw today. No, I don't mean that I'm going to interrupt groups of people randomly while I squeeze the fluff out of an animal and mutter an unknown language. But when I come against a challenge, a task, a relationship, or whatever it may be, I want to be humble. I don't want to feel so ashamed, so embarrassed and like such a failure that I cant set aside my pride and get back up those stairs and barge into that room full of girls. I want to set my hearts desires and goals on the things that God has for me and I want to pursue those things to the point where nothing can hold me back. I want to be at the point where no matter what I go through, what I come against, how ridiculed i feel by the world around me, I can get back up and keep charging forward. I want to be like that child who without knowing it, truly inspired me today.

I guess you can probably guess what I am going to challenge you to do. But read on if you are still curious. Taylor is challenging you to get back up. When you are faced with things that may hurt you, that may make you feel stupid and crazy, or even like a loser, push those things aside and set your eyes on whats at the top of those stairs. Look to the Father who created you for a purpose, who will stand by your side and strengthen you in your time of need when you are persistently pursuing His plan for your life. Humble yourself and lay down the pride so many of us are diseased with. The world may mock you and make you feel as though your dreams aren't worth it. But just as a child can easily get back up, we should do the same. Go ahead! Hold on tightly to God as she did her stuffed cat, equip yourself with a backpack of encouragement and protection, and barge right back in there and pursue your dreams.

                                                                  Persistence.

Day 6: Honesty.

Greetings (:

Well here I am again at the very end of my day finally blogging, Golly, what a horrible blogger Taylor is. Anyways, I have to say: Today has been such a wonderful day! I Slept in till 12 ( i never do that I might add) and then I had a wonderful breakfast consisting of oatmeal, raisins and peanut butter, and the sun was shining, i got to go to food 4 less, and then I was able to spend some amazingly wonderful quality time with my darling friend Ali! Yes, what a grand day it has been.

So now the day is slowly fading, as well as my awareness, which means I get to spend my last few thoughts here to share with you! I do hope you enjoy these thoughts of mine. So, i guess this is the part where I push the button huh? Okay! I will do that right now!

What are you welcoming into your life?

Honesty. For a very, very long time I have worn a mask. Not literally of course, but I tend to hide the real side of Taylor. Not that I'm a crazed, phsyco maniac who eats small dogs for dinner. But the side of me that's real, the side that actually deals with things. Ive always been one to plaster a smile on my face before I walk out the door, no matter how hard things may be. I have never wanted anyone feeling sorry or sympathetic towards me. Ive always had the mentality of "I can fix this on my own, I don't want you to feel like you have to help me". But what I have recently been welcoming into my life is honesty. Yes, it was quite the struggle during my first attempt at opening up to someone. But, here today i can honestly say that it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Really letting someone see who you are brings an amazing sense of freedom. When you actually vocalize the things you've built inside yourself, you learn so much about what really makes you, you.
  When I say I have welcomed honesty, its not that I'm some sort of habitual liar. What i mean is I'm finally being honest with myself. I'm finally looking into my life and seeing the things I need guidance and accountability in and above everything else I'm allowing God to truly come into my life and work inside of me. Yea, I know we all deal with things in each of our lives. But I'm finally realizing that it is truly impossible to do things on your own. I cant fix my life. Only God can. And He does that through other people when you allow others to take a look inside your life and help you. I'm not saying you need to go sit down in a sofa and pour your problems out to a psychiatrist. But really, finding someone you trust will be a Godly leader in your life, someone who will keep you accountable and pray for you, is really an amazing thing. Just saying " hey, I'm struggling in this area, can you help or pray for me?"...... is really wonderful, and really healing. And take it from someone who has spent her life just wanting to keep things locked inside her carefully constructed walls.
      So, my not so simple answer to you my dear idea generator is: I'm welcoming honesty into my life that causes me to allow others, as well as myself, to look inside of who I really am.

Well, now that I've kinda blabbed, here is my challenge to you my dear reader:
Be honest with yourself. Look at the things that are hard for you right now and then let someone in. Ask God to help you and to bring someone into your life who can be there for you and pray with you and for you. What is something that, when it gets brought up or you're reminded of it, you tend to push down inside of you and avoid looking at? How about we all get out that old rusty shovel we tried to throw away, and start digging up some things we buried. How about we take those things and set them out in the open. You cant bury your problems. You will always find that, even though they've been hidden under the surface, they are still rotting away in the dirt, and eventually the stench is going to be noticed..... so let's get honest.

Honesty.



Saturday, January 22, 2011

Day 5: Dangit.

Ahhh hello there!

I just about ruined my entire challenge to myself. Yay me. But here is my fifth post, even though its technically the 6th day now.
Im gunna push the button!

"The thing that I regret most about my life is..."

Right now. Haha just kidding. Actually at this very moment i regret forgetting all about my little blog and only thinking about myself. How selfish! I mean, whats more important than this? Honestly though, it is 1:23 ( cool!) am and i should probably go to sleep now. But hey, I posted didn't I?

Challenge:
If you are seriously reading this at 1:23am, my challenge to you is: Go to bed.

Sweet dreams (:


Regret.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Day 4: Warmth.

Good evening! Or morning, or afternoon, or deep in the night if that is the time you are reading this...

I just finished up yet another math assignment- whoopee! I gotta tell you, I have been working on piles of math the last few weeks. I mean, I'm seeing numbers in my dreams, and inequalities and functions are oozing out my ears! Not literally, but I have been doing quite the load of math homework. Honestly, I forgot I had other subjects. Yes, it was that bad.
Anyways! In the midst of such an exciting day of homework, I remembered this little world I call my blog. And yes, I shall post my fourth post in a row! Good job Tay. Thank you (:

One, two three!

The weather today makes me feel...

Galvanized! Oh my goodness, the sun was finally out so that I could feel actual warmth on my skin. The sky was such a beautiful, crisp winter blue and the fog that has been plaguing us generously rolled to the side so we could all have a peek at some happy weather. Oh my! It made me feel a little happier to walk to the mailbox ( all the way... across the street. Haha). It made me feel so excited for spring time! I am so truly thrilled for spring to arrive. The new little lives being born, the green resting places for morning dew, the smell of fresh rain. Hahhh, the weather made me very happy I must say.

Challenge? Hmm, my challenge to you today, is to go make yourself something you enjoy. Make a hot cup of tea, a peanut butter and honey sandwich, or how about you pull out that half-full tub of ice cream you would normally feel guilty about eating. Maybe you aren't hungry, or thirsty? Well then go do something peaceful you enjoy. Go read a good book, one that makes you day dream. Go take a soft walk if its pretty outside. Just do something that makes your heart sing. Do something that doesn't require too much energy. Just be happy and enjoy the life that God has given you! Meditate on all the things you are thankful for. Even the person who's life seems to be absolutely terrible has something to be thankful for. Let the joy of life warm you as the sunshine did to my skin and be happy.

Mmm, thank you Lord for the sunshine....


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 3: Rest.

Hello dear friends!

I almost- almost- didn't post something today. You see, I was quite busy on this beautiful winter day with a close friend ( love you Kayla!) and then I spent half the day at the church. I just got home not too long ago, and as I began to wash my face and then brush my teeth, it dawned on me.

I need to post something. I challenged myself, and I shall succeed!

What do you desire?

How ironic. The night that I just about fail my own challenge because I've been so busy, and this amazing blog-idea-generator asks me what I desire. Well, to be 100% honest, at this very moment in time, I have nothing of great excitement to share with you. So sad, I know. So, here is the answer to that question:

I desire Sleep.

Well, there ya have it folks! The button must have known that I was tired and kinda didn't want to spend too much time writing a blog post. But, perhaps the button was offended? Maybe some evil plan, or shall I say desire, to ruin my entire life was cooking inside the button's heart. It knew that I would have nothing of importance to write on a question like that, and pretty soon all 9 followers will un-follow me and then Ill be all alone, end up hopeless and irritated.... and just like that Ill be an obese cab driver in southwest Chicago. 

Thanks a lot you dumb button.

Hmmm, must I really give you a challenge? I probably should, huh? Well, here you go: My heartfelt challenge to you today, is to give yourself some rest. Life can become busy, overwhelming, too exciting, or just plain stressful, and each and every one of us needs rest. Did you know that God rested? In fact, he created rest. Don't get so caught up in life that you can't just sit down and enjoy some fresh air. If you don't have some fresh air available to you, go stick your face in the freezer- it always makes me feel fresh.  

I'm going to bed.

Rest.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 2: Purpose.

Tada!

I made it to my official second day of my challenge. Thankyou, thankyou! And no, you can't have an autograph. ( I'm not sorry)
Well, I say we just take a grand leap into this today! I'm gunna push the button now........

What remains constant in your life?

Purpose. From the moment I breathed my first fresh breath, the very first time I soaked in the light of the day, I have always had purpose.
  Yea, to be honest there were times- many times- when I didn't see the value and purpose my life consisted of. There are things that we go through that are blinding, hindering us from seeing who we are, and who we are meant to be. When our hearts are damaged, we tend to focus on the pain. A lot of times we feel so victimized, or even worse, we can feel like we are the one who caused unrepairable damage. And these kinds of things effect the way we see ourselves. But no matter how hard your life may be, how worthless and hopeless you feel, God has always and will always have a purpose for your life. If you have no purpose, then why are you still here? Amazingly, even when we don't see the purpose God has for us, we are actually fulfilling that purpose by just being who we are. And even more amazing, just when you think you've figured out everything God has for you, you discover just how much more He has created you for.
  From the moment you were born, till the day you die, the purpose in your life remains constant.

Ah-ha! Taylor has another challenge for whoever you may be. All I ask of you is to look around inside your life. Go ahead! On your eyes. Look back at the things you've accomplished, big or small. Look at the impact you may have made on someone. Look at your relationship with God... your creator, if you even have a relationship with Him, and begin to see purpose. You may be 10 years old, and the only thing you feel like you've accomplished is the habit of brushing your teeth in the morning. Good for you! It's a good habit to get into. Perhaps you're a single mom.... but that's just it, you are a mom. You've already been entrusted with an amazing purpose to raise a human life. You may be thinking " Yea, right, there is no purpose for my life, and if there is, it's been sucked away by the vacuum of life." But I have news for you....
 Whoever you are, where ever you are, and no matter how many times you've brushed your teeth today, you have a purpose. Whether you can see it or not.



                                                                          Purpose.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 1: Butter.

Well hello there! How have you all been? All 8 of you so far (:


Oh my, here I am again getting ready to apologize for not posting anything in so long. But guess what? I am not going to apologize! In fact, I'm just going to say this:

" I'm back! And I'm going to write a new post, because I want to."

The the other day Christina and I decided that we would owe each other 25 cents every time we said sorry. You see, we say this word quite a lot. Not because we necessarily do something wrong, but just because we, ( i guess Ill speak for myself) just because I don't want to seem rude. If I am in your way, i naturally say " Oh! Sorry!" or if I accidentally say something right after you say that exact thing. I don't really know how I started this, but I'm actually over whelming myself when i think of how many times I say " sorry" in the time span of one single day. Soooooo, my personal goal is to reduce my usage of the word.
Ha, watch, I'll accidental push some small child over and I won't say sorry. Just kidding.

So, i have another goal - is it okay that I'm kinda rambling? Anyways, my goal is to post something on my blog every day for a week. Yes, I'm starting out small with one week. So i looked up some stuff on google for blog ideas and i came across this really cool thing that has drastically changed my life! ( not really, but that would be cool.) Its a button that you push and it gives you a random creative idea. So I decided that I will start today, and with an act of true bravery, do whatever it tells me to do. No matter how stupid it may sound, or how hard it may be. So lets begin!

Oh my! I'm going to push the button!!!!

Close your eyes and write about what immediately pops into your head.

I see butter. A simple white dish with about 3/4 of a stick of softened butter lounging peacefully in a naturally lit kitchen. It looks smooth. Although, there is that little section that has some crumbs embedded into the gush ... the evidence that someone must have buttered some toast for breakfast. Or maybe they had an english muffin? What a mystery.
   I have to say though, I like butter. I like to have a lot of butter on my toast. Or english muffin. Mmm, a slightly toasted english muffin with a good amount of soft butter slathered on all pretty and creamy.

I'm hungry.

How fun! I actually liked that one. I know, I know, this post is pretty much pointless and you may find it quite dumb. But ever since I was in probably 1st grade, my teachers would give us 3 minutes to write about a random topic. And then they would choose people to read them aloud to the class. It was normally my favorite part of the school day. Well, not counting lunch of course. But I find something exhilarating about clicking the switch on your brain to explore your imagination and then put it into words. And what's pretty cool about writing out a bit of your imagination is: it can spur the listener/readers imagination too. So really, something silly like butter in my mind could form a long chain, an endless choo choo train of ideas and imagination through many different people's heads.

So. My challenge to you today is: write about the first thing that pops into your mind when you see the word "butter". Get out a scrap piece of paper, open your lap top, go grab that dry erase marker and write on the window for crying out loud! Just get it out of your head, and then read it to someone. Or maybe just read it to yourself. See what happens! And then, I think what would make a great finishing touch would be.... go eat a piece of toast, and go ahead, get a little greedy with the butter.




                                                                 Delish.     

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Never Grow Up

Oh my my! It has been quite some time since I last shared anything with you. So to start things off, let me apologize once again! ( shame on me!)

 Tonight I just randomly decided to read some blogs that I have been following. I read some encouraging things about proclaiming Christ, A beautiful love story and Christmas! They all kinda just made me want to write something. Anything! I guess I'm just in one of those random, creative moods. So I think I'm just going to write about the first thing that pops into my head (:

  The other day my friend Ali ( hey Al! ) was sharing with me her new found love for Taylor Swift. She had listened to her CD quite a lot in the last couple days and she was telling me all about the songs and which ones she really liked. At first my reaction was " Oh, cool?". I liked Taylor Swift but I didn't think that her new CD would really be thaaaaat amazing. Wellllll, a few days later Evan let me borrow the new CD. And I liked it. A lot.Quite a lot actually. Okay, i really liked it!!
  So, today as I'm chilling with my little sis and my mom I get the urge to show them how I figured out how to play my violin along with the song 'Enchanted' by Tay Swift of course. So, I go and grab my little mp3 and hook it up to the sound system in our living room. As soon as the songs starts playing I just had to let them listen to all the lyrics. And then I just haaaaad to show them the next song and the next one and the one after that!! Who knew I would be so thrilled to share my new secret love for this CD?
  Anyways, one of the songs I showed them was called 'Never Grow Up'. It's this really cute song about staying little. As we are sitting on our living room floor, i start to soak in the lyrics a little bit more. And I look across from me at my little sister. When I think of how i felt in that very moment, the only word that comes to mind is... wow...
  There in front of me, sitting so pretty and so intrigued by the song, was my little sister. A beautiful young girl who has shared her life with me. When I think about it a little deeper, I have spent 12 years of my almost 16 years with her. She has literally spent her entire life with me. From the moment she was born to the very first time i held her little hand until now, she has been with me.
  Sadly, I think I have spent most of my life taking for granted the sister God gave me. " She's just my sister. What's the big deal?". When really, she means everything to me. It's a strange feeling knowing that someone is always watching you. Not in a creepy way, but the fact that i will forever and always have a younger human being looking up to me, watching my every move, every decision. That little girl has copied me and done the things I do more than you can blink your eyes in a life time. Well, not really, but quite alot. I sometimes get so frustrated! " Why can't she just wear her own clothes? Why can't she just listen to a different CD? Why does she repeat the same joke that i always say!?" But I think it's actually kinda funny when she does something the way I do it. Its kinda silly when I watch her make herself lunch and she makes her peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the same order and fashion as me.
   I can remember back when we were fairly little, and how we would have a horrible daily pattern of playing, fighting, playing, fighting, playing, fighting. It was bad. We would spend ALL day together building little barbie cities an forts and houses and we couldn't go an hour without making each other mad or getting irritated when the other one didn't do what you wanted her to do. I'm surprised we didn't drive my mom to drink! And now, looking at our relationship, I am so happy. We are so happy. I love that girl more than i think she will every understand. Being the big sis, I know I probably don't show it like I should. I know I could probably be alot sweeter and share my stuff a little better. But deep down she means the whole wide world to me! I cherish every time we make each other laugh, every time she knocks on my door just to say 'I love you', and every time we get upset at each other how she is so willing to turn right around and make things all better. She may be a booger once in a while, ( sometimes a lot in a while) but I could never imagine trying to replace her. I couldn't ever imagine my life without my little sister.
  The song 'Never Grow Up' truly made me want to wrap my darling little sis in a big cozy blanket and never let her go. Although I'm not much older than her, I have gone through things she has yet to go through. I've realized really hard things that she still doesn't understand. And for some reason, that makes me sad for her. I don't want her to go through the scary, hard, lonely times that I've experienced. I wish I could literally wind back time to when she was 5 years old and keep her that way forever. I love her so much and I'm not sure I want her to grow up just quite yet.
  So, I guess, thanks Ali for sharing your love of this really great CD with me. Thanks Evan for allowing it to leave your tight grasp for 24 hours. And thanks, from one Taylor to the next,

          for writing a song that made me love my sister a little more today.
 

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A New Wardrobe

Hello friends! Today I just felt like sharing something with you. And hopefully its better than that messy, half-eaten pb and j that little kid tried sharing with you back in 1st grade.. (:

 Today I was reading my bible. ( Good habit to get into) I was reading in Zechariah 3, and it was explaining a certain portion of a vision of Joshua. The few verses that really caught my eye were these:
3 Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel.4 The angel said to those who were standing before him, Take off his filthy clothes. Then he said to Joshua, See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you.
5 Then I said, Put a clean turban on his head. So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the LORD stood by.

 Let's say you just spent all week camping out in the mountains with your family. There were no bathrooms. So by now you are all dirty, smelly and tired. How nice is it to take a long, hot, soothing shower in such a condition? By the time you turn off the water and step onto the fluffy shower mat into a nice steamy bathroom, you're clean.
  But there are just some things you can't get clean from, no matter how many showers you take. The wrong things we do in our lives leave stains that can't be scrubbed away or hidden. They stick with you like skin. They make you feel dirty, defiled, ugly. It's like we are standing around in filthy clothes, just like the clothes Joshua wore in this vision in Zechariah.
   Only God's method of stain removal can do the trick. Only He can truly wash you of those sins, those stains. It's like he is taking those rags you feel you permanently wear, and he washes them. But He not only cleans up our clothes, he cleans us up. And He not only cleans us up, he also provides a new wardrobe for us.                                      
                                      Brand new.
                                                                          Clean.

  Ready to git rid of some old, dirty rags? Confess your sins, and ask for God's cleansing.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

True Confidence.

I'm back! It's true, I'm not only back from the most amazing week at Youth Camp, but I am back to the computer, unleashing my heartfelt words into the cyber world! Miss me?
Probablly not (:

  Well, let me jump right in by saying Thankyou. Thankyou to my two beautiful friends Alexis Morgan Tucker and Christina Rose Laurence. You have both inspired and challenged and encouraged me without even knowing it. How so? Let me explain....

  During camp this week God was really working on my heart in the area of confidence and self image. My whole life I have always struggled with being good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Strong enough. I remember the end of my 4th grade year, I was walking accross the field with a group of friends and I remember looking around at all the girls around me and beginning to really compare myself. My size, my complection, my personality. And ever since then my self image has been not only a hinderance in my life, but motivation to do things that have destroyed not only my body, but who I am.
  God has been showing me things in His Word that show that we are truly beautiful in Christ. But I can't even explain how hard it is for me to accept that. Yea, I have heard all my life that what is important is that you are beautiful on the inside. But those words never changed the fact that I couldn't even stand to look in the mirrior. But I am happy to honestly say that this last week at camp was the biggest break through to accepting who I am.
  I believe it was a wednesday night when my friend Ali went naked. On her face that is. No makeup! And she was so beautiful. I honestly think she looked better without makeup. My friend Christina rarely wears any makeup. Normally just mascara. And she is goreous. Her face is always glowing. I'm not being creepy by making it such a point that they are both so pretty. The fact that they could both go through thier day and be who they were, and be so beautiful really inspired me. More than I can explain.
  A verse that God really burned into my heart at Camp was

       2 Corinthians 5:17
       Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (NKJV)
 I am finally realizing what it means to be truly beautiful in Christ. I know that I am a new creation in Christ. And if we are to reflect Christ, who is so beautiful beyond words, doesn't that make us something very beautiful indeed? Shouldn't that give you confidence?
   I always thought that the only way I could have true confidence was in the way I looked and the way others saw me. As long as I could say the right things and wear the right things, then I would be confident. Right? Not at all. In all honesty no matter how i tried to change who I was to make myself look confident,  I only ended up losing myself in the process. Isaiah 32:17 says
   The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. You see, external confidence doesnt last. Real confidence comes from righteousness... God's righteousness... at work in your heart. Real confidence comes from depending on Him and not on yourself. And nothing can take that kind of confidence away, because it's yours forever.....

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Change

  Hello! I can't believe its been well over a month since my last post. When I first ventured into my blogging journey I was so sure I couldn't and wouldn't miss a day.... boy was I wrong. Well, I guess besides the fact that life has been a little busy and such, being summer and all, I've found it hard to find some inspiration. I will say though, I had written a long, very heartfelt post for my dumb computer to decide to refresh the page and erase my hard work! Oh man, that was a sad day. But I promise I did try.
 Anyways, I don't think I really found that much to inspire me, and I'm not going to wait for something grand to happen. So this is why tonight I have decided to just write. To just let myself unravel my mind through my typed-up words and maybe, just maybe, my unraveling will either inspire or encourage you.

  To begin with a little confession: I don't deal with change very well. There you have it, the whole reason why I am having such a hard time right now. I understand that wether I like it or not, things are always changing. I'm changing, the weather changes, the food that was on my plate this morning has most certainly changed. And some things, well, actually alot of things i can't stop from changing. And for whatever reason I have a really hard time with that.
  Why the chat on change? Well, fact of the matter is, things are changing in my life that I never thought would. Who would have ever guessed that my best friend of 11 years was going to move out of the state? Who would have known that little parts and pieces of a family I have gained through my church would leave? Who would have thought that the summer of 2010 is comming to a close.... and life is going by just way to fast?
  I guess these kinds of things could make me angry, confused, hurt or maybe even a little depressed. And it seems like it would be really easy to allow myself to feel that way. Yes, I'm hurt and sad to be honest. Things are hard. But I know that as I am going through some pretty tough times in my life, I've got a God who is right by my side to comfort me and give me peace. And through my tears and my struggles, through the things in my life that change, I know I will come out on the other side stronger.

  I met Emilee when I was 4 years old. And I honestly couldnt stand her. There was a kids indoor playground called Kidzone in Grants Pass that I went to everyday since my mom worked in the nursery there. It was a wonderful place for a 4 year old with many different colored tubes and slides and ball pits and dress up rooms. As I ran around the tubes I distinctively remember a cute little girl my age with long blonde hair running around just the same. She noticed me as well and began chasing me!
  " What a rude little girl" I had thought.
  As the day of in-tube-playing went on, I began to really despise her. But as much as I wanted to tell my mommy to make her leave, there came a time when it didnt matter what I thought about her, and it was time to help. My llittle new found enemy had lost her earing in the ball pit.... and I just had to help her find it. But in my attempt at showing this little girl kindness, not only did I find her earing.. I stepped on it and my toe began to bleed.
  Not only had I grown to despise her, she had grown to dislike me as well. But as I sat in the ball pit crying, and holding my toe as it bled, she felt compassion on me and decided to help me out by getting me a bandaid from the front desk. And as her little pale hand patted my shoulder and told me in her little sqeaky voice that I was going to be alright, I decided she wasn't so bad afterall.
  I didn't like her yet though.
  A couple weeks went by and I had pretty much frogotten about that pesky little blonde girl. The first day of kindergarten arrived, and I remember wearing my brand new tweaty bird red plaid skirt with the matching red and black shirt to go along. The first day of school was great! I loved my teacher Miss Mueler and we got to write about pirtes in our  new writing journals. The first elementary recess of my life had come, and as I began to walk my short self to the swing set, I see her. The little girl with long blonde hair running accross the playground in a purple jacket.
  No!!
 I couldn't believe it! I thought for sure I'd never see her again. But no, there she was, chasing some new poor innocent victim. And who was her next target? Me! She saw me just as well as I saw her and she began to come for me. But I was going to stand my ground! But she didn't tackle me to the ground as I was actually expecting, she just ran over to say hello. And then she was gone.
  My first couple days went on as a new kindergartener, and I had gained a couple new friends, Haylee and Natasha. They were my 'best' friends and we spent all of recess toegether. But on my fourth day of school, that annoying little blonde had decided that she wasn't going to allow me to have any friends! She did everything in her power to get haylee and Natasha to dislike me. Why you ask? Because in her little mind, she had decided that she wanted me as her friend.
 By the end of the week Taylor and Emilee were beginning a long journey of being true best friends.

 I've gone through so much with Em. She has been there for me no matter what the cost. And although I moved 45 minutes away after 5th grade, that didnt stop us from being just as close. She was that special person who could comfort me when I was at my lowest. She was the one who could make me crack up laughing right when I'm in the middle of screaming at her. She truly is one of a kind and I love her so much, more than she will ever know. And yes, it's hard to hear that she is going to be hundreds of miles away, but our friendship isn't based on distance. I pray we continue to grow closer together even as we are further appart.
  So, I guess through all this, all the change and stuff I'm going through, one things stands true. I know that God is with me. I know without a doubt that he is there to comfort me and I know that through him I will become stronger through loss, and through change. I've always been afraid of changes, and I've tried to battle things in life that I have no control over. But as I am getting older, and becoming a little more mature, I find that with God, it's easier to accept change. And I hope to encourage you that even though change is just going to happen, one thing that will never change is God. He is always there. And you can find your strength and courage in him.

Hebrews 13:8

 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.



 
I love you Emy, no matter how far appart we are.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

My Reflection

Hello! Is it just me, or does this add up to my 9th post?  :)

   When you wake up to soft sunshine peeking through your curtains, and inch in to the bathroom to wash your face perhaps, do you find yourself standing there with your bare feet on cold tile, face to face with someone else staring back at you from your mirror? To be honest, there are times when my own reflection scares me. Not in a horror-movie sort of thing. But there are times when I stand in front of a mirror, and I begin to really see who my reflection is......and what's scary, is it isn't really me. 
   It seems that I tend to focus on the outside. As long as people see me with a smile, and that happy-go lucky attitude, I feel safe. If I can just convince the rest of the world that I'm perfectly fine, then I find myself believing that I am fine. It can seem so much easier to live on the outside of yourself..... and avoid who you really are on the inside.
   The person I really want to be isn't on the outside though. The hair, the freckles and smile.....that's not who I want to be. I don't want Taylor to be just another pretty face out of a billion beautiful other human beings. Why do I spend so much time trying to perfect the reflection I face every day? I want to be remembered for my heart, my spirit...who this young girl really is. The things that I love, the things that I burn for. My passions, my desires......     One of my favorite sayings is
  " Do not live your life for what you can gain, instead, live your live your life for what you can leave behind."
 Don't live your life trying to gain beauty, or worldy pleasures. What about you are you going to leave behind for others to remember? Don't focus your energy and attention on the mirror. Let who you are inside reflect onto what others see. Let the reflection you find yourself faced with be the image of Christ. Not you. Who do you find deep down inside your eyes? What is really behind your smile? Are you really who you try to persuade others you are.....because no matter what everyone else sees in you,

God knows who you really are.

Psalm 139

 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Fathers Day!

Well, I believe this to be my eighth post! And not only is this the ninth day that I attempt to share something small with the world, but it is my first dedicational post. ( Not sure if that is a word). This one's for you dad......


     I grew up in a fairly normal American family. I had my biological parents and my little red-headed sister who is about 3 and a half years younger than me. I was taught in public school, and I always strived for straight As and honors. I was dedicated to gymnastics and every other sport available. I thought my life was average, I thought it was simple. And at the age of 10, aside from the frequent fighting, and the pile of problems we dealt with, I thought my life to be good..... If only I knew how much better it was going to become.... 
   I know that my life could have been pretty bad. I could have been a starving child on the streets of L.A. as a prostitute or something. And although I wasn't, I still have a life full of memories that haunt my mind once in a while. Looking back now, I realize what really went on in that little mobile home where I spent over half of my life. I can see who I would be today if I would have continued in that life style. When my biological dad left us, and a whole new book of problems was opened, I know I would have become something I couldn't face in the mirror.
   Today, at church, our pastor taught on the love of the Father. Honestly it was a little hard to keep myself from crying. The way Pastor Steve described our heavenly Father- the love, the passion, the sacrifice- I couldn't help but be reminded of a truly incredible man.
   David came into my life on November 10th, 2005, only 13 days before my 11th birthday. He came to the door of the house where my family had been so deeply wounded, with a bright, warm smile, 3 candy bars, 2 stone-carved zebras from Africa, and a indescribably beautiful heart. His and my mom's first date included my little sister and I. We went to Abby's pizza and he gave us just about every cent he had so we could play the arcade games. ( I don't think I even won anything!)
   From that day forward, even through some of the most difficult times in my life, he was 100% there for me. In every aspect of my life, he was there with a strong, comforting hand to help me. He gave me reassurance when I was in doubt. He gave me encouragement when I felt like I couldn't accomplish something. He made me feel worth, when I felt like I was worth nothing. He was strong for me when I was weak. He loved me with a love that could have only came from my true heavenly Father.
   I haven't heard of many men who would have stepped up to the plate like David. Our little trio was probably a lot to handle for a guy who had been single for 15 years. A 7 year old who was a handful at times, an 11 year old who didn't want a new dad, and a mom who was fresh out of a 12 year marriage with no money, and no place to go seems like a challenge to me. He could have backed out before things got too hard. He could have went after any other single woman. He could have thrown in the towel when my sister and I seemed to hate him. But he persevered and stayed strong for my mom, my sister and I. When things got so out of control and so ruthless, he was still here!
  I look up to him so much. He has taught me the most amazing things. He has taken me to the most random places. He has helped me grow up and build such strong character that I don't think I ever could have acquired if it weren't for him. Through him, I am so indescribably happy. So content with where I am in my life. If it weren't for him, we wouldn't have moved to Eagle Point, and I wouldn't be part of an amazing church, and I wouldn't be growing into a beautiful woman of God. I honestly could have become that 15 year old mom. That girl with insecurities so big that I would do absolutely anything to be accepted. That young teen who doesn't posses any motivation for a plan or a future. I would probably be on a painful track on my way down to hell.
  David has shown me who God the Father really is. Because of him I have a blossoming relationship with my amazing Father. Just as God sacrificed his only son to brutally die on the cross for me, I know without a single doubt, that David would die for me. I know that he would make the biggest sacrifice if it meant saving me, my sister or my mom. He has been patient, he has been kind. He has been strong, he has been gentle. I understand today what that deep hole inside me as a little girl was. It was the hole that had yet to be filled with the love of a father. Not a biological father figure......but a daddy. And today, as I am on my way to 16 years of age I am so extremely proud to call David Garth McMillan one of my best friends, my teacher, my support, and....
                              My daddy.

I love you so much dad. You mean the absolute world to me. ( Even when I make you mad because i melted mom's scissors and her pot and almost killed the family with toxic smoke.......) Happy Father's Day!!!

Poverbs 20:7
The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." (NIV)
 
Psalm 103:13
 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; (NIV)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Beautiful.

Let me start with I'm sorry!!!! It's been too long since I posted last. And on top of my first sorry, let me personally add my dearest apologies to Ali :) Because I told her I would. So, let's start post number 7 shall we?

Beauty: The qualities that give pleasure to the senses.
   This is such a precious word to me. A simple mixture of letters that create a simple sound to roll off my lips.......that I use to describe things most dear to me. When somebody calls me beautiful, it leaves a subtle imprint. A slight indentation that I carry with me, that makes me feel as though I have worth. Beauty is not skin deep, don't get confused. When someone tells me I have a beautiful heart, it forms a sense of comfort and accomplishment, that I am becoming more like my Father.
      My love for my Jesus overflows into the way I see everything. Beautiful things are all around me! The soft whispers of a breeze to cool your skin. The look of safety in a daughter's eyes as her daddy wraps her in a big, warm hug. The way water becomes locked into sweet pockets that we call fruit. The way soft sunshine illuminates a puddle. The unison and grace of piano accompanied by a violin. A child praying. The delicious scent of violets on a cool, summer evening. The helping hand of a stranger. Family. Oxygen. Hair. Kisses. Laughter. Love.....worship....
   Worship is one of the most beautiful things to me. Oh, how I long for the moments to worship my beautiful Jesus. The serenity of the sanctuary, filled with hearts and spirits who gather together to praise their King. The melodies of the instruments, the soft symphony of tongues. Hands tenderly raised in sweet surrender. The gentle flow of the spirit of God, dancing through the air, settling on everyone like a lullaby, covering us in dew.
  It's almost magical when you look at life with beauty in mind. When you look past the outward appearance, and see something genuine and beautiful. Something so normal and simple becomes something you can treasure. Do you take time to look at your life, the people and things in it, and find something beautiful? What is beauty to you?

Psalms 96:6- Royal splendor radiates from Him; a powerful beauty sets him appart.
Psalms 71:8- Just as each day brims with your beauty, my mouth brims with praise.

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Victorious

Here I am! Post number 6. And to be honest...I never thought I'd get past number 2. This one’s a little different…so here I go….



A subtle breeze carries the musty smell of fear across your armored face. The soft light of a crescent moon glazes the ground, forming a sea of shadows. Like thousands of unforgiving orange eyes, torches dot the hillside, held in the hands of your enemy. An enemy so ruthless, so savage......so macabre.
  With a deafening roar, they feast on the silence and torment your mind. They begin to taunt you with ghastly words of despair, crushing your sanity. You stand desolate before them, as you desperately attempt to stay strong. But a hole as black as ebony slowly begins to devour you. You slowly fall to the contoured ground, and your brittle heart begins to ache to deep for words to describe. Your enemy is advancing. Surrounding. Enclosing.
  Your heart is beating its last beat, your mind is disintegrating and your conscience begins to fade....
 At that single moment before you're gone, you hear a noise that doesn't belong. A sound that brings an echo of hope. A sound that fills your very spirit with light. A sound that you have been waiting for.....they're here.
  Your heart beats with exhilaration and your body awakens. Your bones come alive and you stand tall once again. Peace fills your lungs as you breathe in the silence that fills the air. The dust is settling. The night sky is revealed. And the radiance in your eyes is restored by a brilliant light cast by the moon.
  The army behind you stands firm. Thousands of hearts, burning in unison with yours, await your command. No matter what awaits you, they will form a shield. Together you are strong. Together you are courageous. Together you are victorious.


Sunday I was called out to the garage as I was doing biology homework. Some friends of my parents had randomly stopped by our house to pray with us. This was so unexpected since we hadn't invited them over, and we hadn't asked for prayer. They stood with my dad, my sister and I in a circle, all holding hands and shoulders as they began to pray for us.
  In that very moment I felt an overwhelming, indescribable, wave of emotion. God had laid it on their heart to come here and they began to pray for exactly what was needed. The trials we as a family have been facing were being overcome by a power above all powers. As a unit we stood there, God in the midst, battling against an enemy we couldn't physically see. I felt a sense of peace and reassurance. I felt like no matter what we were going to be faced with, we were going to stand strong and stand tall.
  I know I am not alone. I know that I have God above all else, but there are people that surround me with strength. There are people in my life that, when I am going through hard times, they will hold my hand and encourage me. And as we pray together, I know that I am a child of the King, and I am victorious.


Psalm 18:32-40 " It is God who arms with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet."